Love Manifesto

I had to write about love for a project my dance company is doing. So I'm just going to journal randomly and hope that something half good flies out of my keyboard. 

LOVE

could the topic be any more broad?

Love is like a color slide, begging to be held up to the light. Yearning to show it's true colors. But we are scared and unsure of this thing we call love. This thing that has been sown into our future since birth. It resonates inside all of us.  A natural feeling that no one quite knows how to express. 

So we walk with our hands covering our eyes, out heart cowering in it's corner, scared to open itself up. But occasionally, someones curiosity gets the better of them and their hands are pried away from their face and we are able to get a peek at LOVE. Able to hold it up to the light and let it's rainbow of colors dance over us and seep under our skin and into our soul. But love is dangerous. If your hand covers your eyes again, even if only for a second, love will retreat away again,leaving your heart to beat lonesomely in your hollow chest. But if you uncover both eyes to soon the light will blind you, taking away your vision, leaving you blind and unaware.

How do we possibly strike a balance in this delicate system. Do we throw ourselves blindly forward hoping that love will grab onto our hearts and keep us from falling? 

Or do we cover our eyes forever, shielding our sacred hopes from the dangers, resiting love as it tries to pry open our eyelids. 

Love is so complicated.

even the word itself:

Love; a strong positive emotion of regard and affection

A bit of an anti climatic definition. We defined love, yet somehow we have given it power over everything in our lives. Our otherwise meaningless lives that seem to circle endlessly around it. 

Is love something that can be seen? heard? touched? smelled? And if it can't, then how do we possibly feel it? if love is not addressed by any of our senses, how do we ever convince ourselves that it exists. Love has no equation, or theory, or reasoning.

Maybe love is like God. Sensed by something else all together. Something that people are willing to believe and put their faith in without seeing a fragment of evidence. Aside form the feeling engulfed in he pit of our stomach that constantly assures you its there.

It presses on our hearts and mutes our logic. We have no control over it, so we compensate by giving people power over our hearts. Then at least it is slightly controlled, and not wandering loosely, free to do as it pleases. But love can not be bound or controlled. Control is logical, and love is not. Love is passionate, and merciful, and emotional. Love has no lines or boundaries, except for the ones we place around ourselves, the ones society and culture entrap us in. SO love pushes and throws itself against those boundaries, shattering them like glass, sending sharp specks of glass against our heart. 

I don't think Webster can give love a definition. I think we all define it differently. I love and have loved many people, but there are few who I think genuinely love me back. It doesn't take very much, or very long, for me to love someone, but to trust someone scares me to death. I could count the number of people I trust on one hand. But how big of a part does trust play on love? For me, clearly not a large one. 

I am often reminded that young people throw the word 'love' around meaninglessly. I think it depends on the person. I have never told someone I loved them without genuinely meaning it. 

There are 6 people that I trust.

One of them is no longer on earth. 

There are hundreds of people that I love.

Hundreds that say they love me back. 

There are 3 people who I wish loved me back. 

Thats all for now, I have to go do that homework that I've been avoiding all week. I'm not gonna reread this, so I'm sorry if their are any mistakes. 

Love.

The Idol Franchise

I'm watching American Idol, and I am continuously surprised by the lack of good performances on the show. When the contestants are all SO GOOD, it seems like the show is taunting them with the fact that all these other less talented people have made it big, as though they should be learning something from them. 

Now, the contestants aren't AMAZING, and the performers aren't HORRIBLE, but they don't seem to compare fairly.

I would really like to see Simon judge some of the singers that have performed this season.

I just watched Anoop get eliminated, and I'm not a huge American Idol fan but it's really sad :( aw, poor Anoop. 

And that brings us back to my first point.

 Anoop can sing better that most of the guest singers they have featured. It clearly takes something other than talent to become famous in today's society, and as  much as American Idol has tried to disprove that, the show has just made this fact clearer in my mind.

Agree? Disagree?

And then there was a Blog.

So its a little late for me to jump on the Blog.Everyday.April.Challenge. bandwagon, but I am going to try and start blogging everyday, or night, since thats usually when i end up publishing these things. 

Changing the subject to something i actually want to talk about.

How do you go about starting a blog. I've been reading alot and they all seem to just...start. They just jump onto a subject and go for it, ignoring the fact that nobody knows who they are or why they're writing. This feels very awkward to me. 

So I've decided to take less than a minute to just explain who I am and why I'm writing this. 

This is Me in Under A Minute:

I love to drive with all the windows rolled down, and to try out new flavors of chai tea. I love going to the same restaurants over and over again, and usually ordering the same thing. I get freaked out by ketchup juice that drips out of the bottle when it hasn't been shaken properly. I hate hospitals and will try to avoid them at all costs, which is not always the wisest decision. I love to dance, but only when it means something to me. That reason can be silly or deep, but it has to be something. Drinking Starbucks makes me feel like a celebrity, and admitting how much time I spend on Youtube makes me feel like a dork. I'm writing this blog because I want to harness and nurture my writing, and I want to connect with people through it. 

That's me. That's all. 

Adi.

Getting Started...

For me, starting is always the hardest part. Whether its doing my homework, getting out of bed, starting a new book, or writing in a new journal. It's always hard for me to push myself to begin. Once i've started there's no stopping me, but getting there always takes some strength. 

This blog is a perfect example.

I have wanted to start a blog for a V E R Y long time now, and the only thing stopping me is the fact that i have to begin. I'm telling you, that gets me every time. 

But i'm finally starting. continuing shouldn't be to difficult, at least i'm hoping it wont be. 

This is me pushing myself, so please excuse me if the writing sounds choppy and insecure. i just wanted to get something out there. I just wanted to finally begin.

Because all stories need a beginning.